But it's too late to think of the value of my life.

I know that smile. I know what it feels like to reply, "I'm good." when someone asks you how you are. But not because you are good, because you're just so used to saying it, that you don't even think about it anymore. You don't even realize the question that's being asked. Your response is just so rehearsed, that it comes out with no effort. Just like that beautiful smile, darling. It breaks your heart to lie to those you love. It's so hard to tell them everything is perfectly fine. But it's even harder to tell them the truth. You don't want to be in such a vulnerable state. You can't handle that kind of pity. But you gotta believe me when I tell you, darling, you're not alone. I'm here for you. I understand that reflection you see every night. The one you don't even recognize anymore. That same smile that you've been wearing for years to fool everyone into thinking that you're fine, has finally fooled you. Just for that split second, when you look in the mirror and see that stranger smiling back at you, you believe it. You actually think you might be happy. But then, your heart starts to hurt, your body starts to ache, your tears starts to flood, and all the memories come back. You're not okay. You're not happy. You're dying from the inside out, and nobody even bothers to notice. You feel like you're alone and everyone has given up on you. But you have to believe me, you're not alone, darling. I'm here. I'm right here holding your hand. I'm rubbing your back as you cry on my shoulder. Even if you can't see me, or hear me, I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere. Because I know what it feels like to want to just throw it all away and say, "fuck it." I know what it feels like to think, "I'm not worth it. Nobody cares about me, and everyone leaves. So it's my turn. I'm going to be the one to leave this time, and leave them hurting and alone." But darling, you are so incredibly worth it. Your life matters to me. Even if we've never talked, or if I don't even know your name. I'm here for you. And I care about you. I don't want you to go anywhere. Maybe I'm your bestfriend, maybe I'm your mother, maybe I'm your baby sister, or your father that's never home. I care about you, and I don't want you to go anywhere. I know it's tough darling, but hang in there. Do it for me. Do it for everyone who's ever told you they loved you. I'm so sorry you have to wear this fake smile every day. But stay strong, darling. Stay strong and hold on to the mystery of tomorrow.

It's been very hard for me darling, im sorry I have to put you through this. I love you. Please be there for me. xo

Save yourself.

As you read this, think. Think about every single word, every single sentence that you read. You're young. You need to live. You need to realize that being mad at someone is silly. People make mistakes, we're human, it's okay. Forgive and forget. Don't lose a friend because something small happen, forgive them. Forget about their mistakes, you want the same from them if you did it. If you like someone, tell them. You don't know what could happen to them. It's sad to think about, but it's true. People die everyday, every minute, every second. You never know. Have fun, dance in public, sing at the top of your lungs, don't hold in a laugh, and don't hold back a smile. Dress how you want, not how others want you to. Be free, don't let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do. Say what's on your mind, tell everyone your thoughts, let out your opinion, it should never go unheard. Live your life as much as you can because you never know what could happen. You just don't know..

Are you so tired of all these overreactive tear ducts too, sweetie?

Over-thinking. It usually happens at night; right before I sleep, If I even sleep. You know what I mean, right? The rush of thoughts. Sometimes, I can't keep up with myself. I think so much, that I don't know what to do. I over-think the situation so much I scare myself. I lay in bed, stare at the wall, and my thoughts run wild. I think about everything and anything. But what I hate is, I can't control what goes into my mind. I can't help it.

Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones.

THIS IS MY FATTEST BEST BROTHER!

Do you know what's the true meaning of sleeping together?

Nothing dirty. Nothing naughty. Just sleeping. It's just sleeping with that someone and knowing that they're in your arms and you're in theirs. They want to feel close to you. You want to know they are the closest to your heart. They want to hear you breathe when you fall asleep as they sleep next to you. As they fall asleep, you want to cuddle with that someone and just hold them close. It's that moment where you don't want to let go and that moment where you dont want them to forget that this is a special moment.

And all I loved, I loved alone.

You're sick of feeling alone? Don't worry, you're not the only one.

Late at night, when the exhaustion of sleep deprivation broke down my defenses, everything starts slipping away. My mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise colour of the sky. Emptiness lies deep down inside all of us. Sometimes it crawls it's way to the top only to drown us in despair, and that's when it hits you. You feel so hallow, so vacant, and lack emotions. You feel nothing, and yet everything at the same time. Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. they didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life magically isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working it's way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's the soul-hurt. But, there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

They say time heals... hahah. Nah, it just makes you stronger.

Godnight, xo.

An eye for an eye. We had the world blind.

If I could go back in time when I wrote sad little poems, I'd punch myself right in the face because it gets worse. It gets much, much worse. I know-blahblahblah, nobody gives shit about your broken heart, but you know something? Most days, Im not even sure what I'm upset about.. I seems like I have everything, and on the other hand, nothing.. Until I met, someone. I dont know him well, neither does he understand me. But as days past, things just seem, better.. (:

Always, all for you.

To my SweetHearts, Ilina&Irina:
I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it. I love love you through that, as well. If you don't need it, I will love you too, too. If you decided to go to school, you have my support. If you choose not to, I'll support you. There's nothing you can do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after death I will still protect you. Except the fact that Im older and I'll die sooner. GOD DAMN IT! Okay, sorry, back to point. I love you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing, nothing will ever exhaust me. I got you babygirl, I got you.

I notice everything, I just don't say anything.

I have so much free time, I'm actually blogging. Gosh, can you believe it. My blog hits drop like fuck, drastically! Come back and read my blog? ): I'll update everyday!! (Im lying) hahah. I don't understand how we can smile all day but cry to sleep all night. How pictures never change but people in them do. How your best friend can be your worst enemy, or how your worst enemy can be your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you'd do anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn't live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people you once wanted to spend every second with, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. Have you ever laid on your bed at night and just cried? Cried because you're ugly. Because you're not good enough. You counted your flaws from head to toe to punish and feel worse about yourself. Cried because the comments people blurt out, actually hurt your feelings. Cried because your family is dysfunctional, but you're just a kid who can't do shit about it. They tell you to stop complaining, that you have it much better than kids in Africa. You don't wanna be a burden so you bottled it up. Around people you're the happiest ray of sunshine. But nobody knows, that at night when you're alone, you break down and just cry.

This is reality. &Society is disgusting.

You see,

You eat, you're fat.

You don't eat, you're a freak.

You drink, you're an alcoholic.

You don't drink, you're a pussy.

You read, you're a nerd.

You don't read, you're stupid.

You let someone in, you're too easy.

You don't let someone in, you're too uptight.

You smoke, you think you're cool.

You don't smoke. they say you're a loser.

You had sex, you're a slut.

You haven't had sex, you're a frigid little bitch.

You wear make up, you're a slag.

You don't wear make up, you're ugly.

You can't please anyone, ever. So don't even try. Just be yourself.

Im strong enough to walk away, but broken enough to turn around.

I can't believe I waited. I love you so much, how could you do this to me..

Forget the risk, take every chance.

Didn't blog lately, I know. Not because I'm busy or lazy. Just didn't see the point to. Everything's so tiring. When I look up my wall, full of my past photos, it made me smile.. I seem so..so..happy back then. Everything just seemed so easy. Im getting breathless.

Meh. Im sleepy.

Certain girls in this planet just deserves to die. Like literally die.

Me and Ilina totally have a list of people we want dead.

I'm still here, bitches and I know everything.

HiHIHIHIHI!

I love you.

With love,

Krichelle.

If karma doesn't hit you, I will.

Irritating piece of shit.

Going to bed.

So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and love all over again.

Wasted Youth.

Day 1: What you like people to call you.

It really depends. hah. If friends that I just get to know, I'll just tell them to call me krich. Cause I really hate it when they kinda can't pronous my name and they'll go like, Kritchelle, Krisell or whatever shit. No joke. Mad dumb. I call my bff bbg though. She just gives me dumb names, like my name goes according to her mood. lol. I personally think my dear would be nice. For boyf I think hun, the short form of honey is just so mad effing cuuuuuuuute! Like seriously. hahahaha. :D

Day 2: The best teacher You've ever had.

Ms dawn probably? No teacher actually cried and prayed for me..

Day 3: Your favourite thing to do on weekend.

I dont really have any favourite thing to do on weekends. I think doing anything is fine, only if I'm with the one I wanna be with. It'll be fine. (:

Day 4: The best vacation you've ever gone on/your dream vacation.

Best vaccation.. Hmm. Going to korea I guess. I managed to make snow angels. lolol.

Will continue the rest next time. Mad uber tired.

Gd9! (:

Letter

I shall do this. Winks.*

Killing me softly.

I know trust is a feeling that takes years to build but seconds to destroy. However disappointment is a feeling that comes and stay for good. I just hope you'll always remember the decisions are yours to make, and when you make them, stick to it without any doubts or regrets. This life is yours, and you only live once. It's really up to you now.

Love is just so many little things. Waiting for the phone to ring, holding hands in a movie. You'll read their texts over and over again. It's the quarreling and making up again. It's the late night home movies you watch when you have no where to go. It's that first drowsy thought in the morning and that last kiss at night...

Good relationships don't just happen. They take time, patience, and two people who truly want to be together.

Im sorry if I expect more from you because I will be willing to do that much for you. No matter how long it's been, or how badly you've treated me. If you say i love you, I'll say it back.

All I can promise you is, no matter who enters your life. i will love you more than any of them.

It's 3.fucking.am Took me 2 hours to blog. Fail!! LOL.

Goodnight world. It's gonna be a good day when you wake up later, krichelle!

When I get bored.

Bold what you've done.

graduated high school.
smoked a cigarette.
kissed someone.
gotten so drunk you passed out.
ridden every ride at an amusement park.
collected something really stupid.
gone fishing
watched four movies in one night.
gone long periods of time without sleep.
lied to someone.
failed a class.
been in a car accident.
been in a tornado.
done hard drugs.
watched someone die.

been to a funeral.

burned yourself
run a marathon.
cried yourself to sleep.
spent over $200 in one day.
flown on a plane.
written a 5 page letter.
gone skiing.
been sailing.
had a best friend.
lost someone you loved.
been to jail.
dangerously close to being in jail.
had detention.
skipped school.
got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
stolen books from the library.
gone to a different country.
dropped out of school.
been in a mental hospital.
watched the “harry potter” movies.
had an online diary.
fired a gun.
gambled in a casino.
had a yard sale.
had a lemonade stand
actually made money at the lemonade stand
been in a school play.
taken a lie detector test
swam with dolphins.
gone to sea world.
voted for someone on a reality tv show
written poetry.
read more than 20 books a year
gone to Europe
used a coloring book over age 12.
had surgery.

had stitches
taken a taxi.
seen the Washington monument.
had more than 5 im’s/online conversations going at once.
overdosed.
had a drug or an alcohol problem.
been in a fist fight.
suffered any form of abuse.
had a hamster.
pet a wild animal.
.used a credit card
gone surfing in California.
done “spirit day” at school.
dyed your hair.
gotten a tattoo.
had something pierced.
gotten straight a’s.
been on the honor roll.
known someone with hiv or aids.
taken pictures with a webcam.
started a fire
gotten caught having/going to a party while parents were gone.

Come to think of, It's kinda dumb.

Studying with Zoe tmr! :D

Smile, people won't ask what's wrong.

Because Care Bears and bangs rock ass! \m/

Forget all the reasons why it wouldn't work and believe the one reason why it will.

Hi.

On the phone with baby girl Ilina now.

She loves cheese!

I just want you to know that I honestly try my hardest everyday. It makes me feels so tired I died in bed everyday once i get home. But it's actually quite a good thing isn't it..

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood.

I am very tired of acting like Im happy, you know you know?

You dont.

The tears are coming, so please stay with me.

This is how I look now with my dumb hair.

I wondered to myself why I even care how people think about me. Then I realised, things just get more and more complicated when I grew up. When we were young we wouldn't even care about anything. Even when ice cream is all over our face or we would just wear anything we first saw in our wardrobe. It was all so simple back then. Only till we grew up, fell in love, hurt, lose, humiliate, get dumped. I became so so self conscious. I don't know if it's because I have low self-esteem or that the world is just so complicated. People judge. You eat, you're fat. You don't eat you're a freak. You read, you're a nerd, you don't read, you're dumb. You let someone in, you're easy. You don't let someone in, you're too uptight. You smoke, they think you're acting cool. You don't smoke, they call you a loser. You've had sex, you're a slut. You haven't had sex, you're a frigid little bitch. It's like what the fuck, we can never please anyone. So why even try? People say everyone's equally special and important, but why do we get ranked and shit. Because life isn't fair. Fuck you guys. That's why we compare ourselves to others!

This so so so sweet. Do we even get this nowadays?

This is going like a contest of who could act like they care less.

This is my retardedcute dog!

♥

Idk why Ilina thinks she looks retarded in this photo!! ): I think she looks oh-so adorable in this picture. Look at her innocent little face. Ilina'SZY your standard is just too high. I love Bambi sooooooo much. no pictures leh, ze me ban? ):

Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooo.

Jump. You might learn how to fly.

I miss you both so much! >

I'm not blogging lately because I've not been going out alot lately. The most, I'll just go to sk or downstairs for dinner. Thats all. I need to go out like tmr or soon. My CSO is starting on monday and it really sucks. ._. God.... Now due to having to do CSO, I cant work. Damn it.

*Pray hard that I'll go out soon, so I can snap snap! (:

When someone lies to you, it is because they dont respect you enough to be honest. And they think you're too stupid to know the diference.

If they don't chase you when you walk away, keep walking.

Fuck you peeps. Like my nuffnang leh. Like a dead only. HAHHAH. This few days is the very the sebei the boring uh. Krichelle want to the go to the become crazy already uh. Steady, it is the very the boring uh. Lmfao, back to normal. Why the fuck do I still need blogger when nothing is going on in my life?

To the guy who is webcaming me now:

Fuck your webcam. Fuck you fuck you fuck you and fuck you. It's so noisy. Arrgh. Stupid! Go buy me a bloody time machine, so I can change the time to 6am to find you. BUYBUYBUY! BOOHOO!!

I'm gonna be the love that's gonna last.

Open my eyes, it was only just a dream.

Hi.

Note to self: Never expect, expecting leads to disappointment. Just wish, maybe..

Hah. I lost cam queen. Yeh. I know right. Now it's exactly like what Janelle said, "It's like so close, but yet so far." Mummy told me to not blame anyone. Because we all know, Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. It feels so good knowing I can stop refreshing cam queen's page. lol. I need to find a job soon, because staying at home rotting is definitely killing me.

You'll never know how it feels like deep down inside. Never..

I hope you don't make any plans, we have a future to explore.

Ni hao! Went to shop for prom dress with LI XUAN darling @Vivo. Walk almost every store at level 1 before settling at Forever21. To those who are having prom night soon, go to forever 21. Super loads of good stuffs. And yet, cheap. $20 - $40!! Hahah. Wished my mum was there, so i can..... HAHAHAHHA. Headed home soon, as she kept complaining of backache, like ah ma like that.

xx,

Krichelle Hayler.

Brainwash me

I changed almost everything on my blog. I even changed the links, because of boredom. So, if you want me to relink you, tag me! (: I'm very tired now. Nights people.

Eat.Pray.Love.Everyday.

I gave it all up, but im taking back my love.

I have nothing to say! ):

Life is a bitch lately. i guess I'll be changing school soon. Sigh.. Gotta make new friends AGAIN! I suck at making friends. GAHHH! I will blog again when I think about what to say. My lie now is just:

Eat

Love

Sleep

Computer

More computer

Out with baby

That's it! Yes, that's it. P L A I N boring.